Discovering Demi

Anonymous | he/him | demisexual

Anon
Hi, I’m demisexual, my pronouns are he/him – you know, that kind of thing.

Nathan
Cool!

Anon
So, uh, yeah. How I really found out – I came out as demi – was my time with my current girlfriend.

I was explaining how I feel about being romantically with someone, being sexually attracted, how I didn’t feel comfortable seeing people as objects, and essentially saying that I didn’t feel comfortable with one-night stands or just having sex with someone without a connection. And from there, she managed to say, to pretty much take all that information, and say “You’re demi”, “you kind of come off as demi”. And over time I kind of came to that conclusion that yeah, I’m practically demi, it’s how I feel comfortable, essentially.

Nathan
Yeah. So cool! Did you ever think, that like, those things about yourself were a specific identity before your girlfriend brought it up, or…?

Anon
Uh, no – honestly, no. I kind of just felt that was kind of natural in who I was and how – something I couldn’t change, either like emotionally or psychologically, there was nothing I could do about it, it’s just who I was. And I always knew that those thoughts and feelings were there.

Nathan
Mhmm. That makes sense.

Anon
I just didn’t know what it was called, and essentially how it was – that it was part of the LGBT spectrum, so essentially I felt kind of [like I got] a sense of understanding of what it’s like to be gay, essentially, and what it feels like to be like that.

Nathan
Yeah. So how has, like, your understanding of your identity changed, or been altered, by having a word for it – being able to be like “oh, I’m this thing, that makes sense”?

Anon
Uhm, yeah. Originally, I’ve always been supportive of LGBTQ+, I’ve always felt that people have a right to be who they are. But knowing that I’m demi kinda makes me feel like I understand it a lot more – that it is just how someone feels, and it is a part of them, one they can’t change. And it kinda can feel a little bit of this peer pressure in society of not being – of being told you’re “wrong” or being seen as… different and illogical, and in a sense I feel like I have a sort of understanding there.

People should have – it is who they are, and they can’t change that, and they shouldn’t be told any other way.

Nathan
So do you feel like now you have a connection to this community?

Anon
In some way I do, I always felt like I had a bit – not to sound like I’m bragging – but I always felt like I had a connection because I always have been respectful and appreciative of people and who they are, and essentially [I] do feel like I have a bit more of a connection and understand how people feel.

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